Behold! (Courtney)

...the spectacualr that is "Morning Exercise".

Until this morning, we were yet to see the kids doing their morning exercises. However we were out and about this morning getting new water for the water dispenser. The water "office" is opened at the oddest hours. As in, one of the times is 9:05 to 9:28...no joke. Why not 9:30?

Anyhoo, so whilst we were down there, we realised the kids were starting their exercises. After we got the water back home, I raced back across the school to take some photos of them in action. Whilst some of it was a bit shambolic, overall it was quite impressive. The kids were in this odd formation across the main open area in front of the library/computer building. I couldn't work out why but we think if you were looking down on them from above, they are probably forming a Chinese character. Perhaps a character for exercise...or conformity, however you look at it. Whilst it all might look a little dinky, I honestly think it is a good idea, and think kids back home could benefit from some morning exercise! I wish Marcus had have come along because it was really great to watch.

Oz Aerobics...eat your heart out!!

I may or may not be hiding amongst bushes...

Hiding in bushes wasn't going to get me any good shots though. So I ran in front of them and up the stairs of the main building...much to our mutual humilation I think. Me being seen, and them being seen doing exercises.

It's fun to stay at the Y..M..C..A!!! Now I'm hiding in the library stairwell...

Does this kid not look like he's enjoying himself a bit too much? It's exercise time boy, not time to bust out some John Travolta moves!

This last bit of the exercises was very impressive - all kung fu type moves. The actually did them in unison and it looked great..except for this kid at the end falling over!

Mass migration back to class...We've taken to referring to them as "wildebeasts".

And in other news...(Marcus)

We find out today that we don't have to teach again as the students have exams. Of course we are not notified - Courtney who starts first up at 10:20am, heads to class, notices they're all heads down and working with another teacher in the room - goes and asks in the teachers office and sure enough, "Oh no you're not teaching today." I still have my gifted class, but jesus, it'd be nice one day to be actually told.

All in all I like it - it's like a little unexpected surprise, but some notice would be nice so we can like, um go do other stuff.

So today I have only my gifted class at 2:15, and tomorrow, pretty much the same deal, then it's on to four days of rancho relaxo.

It's actually very hot outside. According to my little desktop weatherman it's 26 degrees, but it actually feels hotter. It's also very smoggy. I think the combination of heat + smog = humidity. I get the feeling it's going to be fairly disgusting here over summer - thankfully we can always go and take a dip in the lake of death, or even better yet, the black canal next door.

So while I have to teach one class today and one class tomorrow, I actually don't mind, as the gifted kids are an absolute delight and pleasure, all rolled into one.

Whoever comes to visit us first will have the pleasure of joining us at ...

...Beijing's Exclusive Penis Restaurant

A visit to the Guolizhuang Restaurant in Beijing is not for the faint-hearted. Here the menu consists almost entirely of penis and testicle dishes -- made from the private parts of deer, snakes, yaks, horses, seals and ducks, among others.

*click on text to read the full(delicious) story

Mmmm Mmmh!

Fireworks! (Courtney)

As previously mentioned, there are a heck of a lot of fireworks going on around here every day. Every night without fail and most mornings we hear and see fireworks. Marcus tries to capture them, but (and this just cracks me up) every time he pulls the camera out, they magically stop! It drives him crazy and makes me laugh a lot.



So here is a video of some fireworks as seen from our bathroom window. They were just next door and whilst the video doesn't quite capture the noise, you can hear the wail of scooter and car alarms going off in the background.

Additional Wedding Observations (Courtney)

So Marcus' post pretty much covered off on the wedding we attended. Here are a couple of extra things which I thought to mention...

The Chinese generally have no dress sense, this is well recognised, and the wedding was no exception. I had spent a lot of time worried as to what to wear, as we hadn't really brought "wedding" clothes with us. I needn't have worried though, as you could basically wear anything. Pretty much everyone was just dressed the same as they are everyday of the week...although I suspect this is because most people probably went back to work after the reception. What did catch my eye was the "bridesmaids". One was dressed in a very lovely dress. The other well....

Yes, that's her on the right, wearing a bright yellow, stripy sweater dress over black jeans. Slightly non traditional wedding gear there...

The men and women basically didn't sit together. Some tables were mixed but a lot were men only or women only. Of the teachers from our school who attended, all sat on tables just of men or women, except of course for me. I was the only female on our table, and I suspect the only female teacher who was offered a drink. I did a couple of toasts with red wine then I swiftly moved onto orange juice, which was a very wise idea. I don't know quite what the male teachers think of me. Whether they expect I will drink because I'm western, or whether deep down they think I'm some sort of brazen hussy because I accept a drink. Who knows, and frankly who cares. Marcus and I were led around a number of times to toast people. First with all of the teachers from our department. Which was embarrassing because we really don't know any of them. Whilst it would have been best if I had been told to sit with the female teachers so I could get to know them, I undoubtably believe that I had more fun on the men's table. We also toasted numerous family members and...the government of wuxi!! Yup, there is Marcus and I with the government people of the town offering toasts. Bizarre.

The women folk didn't even attend with their husbands. Mr Pan's wife didn't come with him or was not driven home by him. Same goes for Raymen's wife and all of the others. Its so different how things work here, it goes without saying that when Marcus and I go to these sorts of things we obviously go together.

Marcus and I were involved in a number of awkward conversations throughout the afternoon. First one being when a couple of teachers asked us what our majors were at university. Aaaahhh...well...I stumbled around and said that Marcus did business and I did art, which they seemed to be satisfied with. Never are they to know that we don't actually have degrees, have no teaching qualifications and yet we still earn double what they do.

Second awkward moment for me was when I was asked by one of the teachers if the wedding reminded me of my own wedding ceremony. Aaaahhh...not really, was my reply. Still waiting for that one more like it. They just cannot understand that Marcus and I aren't married. So I happily refer to Marcus as my husband whenever necessary.

Third was when a tipsy Mr Pan started making a toast to Marcus and I towards the end of the lunch. He was blabbering on about us and how it would be just great if we could have a baby in China..that would just be swell. Oh good lord...We tried to tell him that our families might not be too happy with us.

On the way home Mr Pan tried his best to convince us that he was ok to drive. I don't believe he was, as he had partaken in a number of ganbei's, but the hotel was literally a block away on the same street so we were on the road for about 30 seconds. As we approach the school gate, Raymen jumps out of the car, says his goodbyes and starts walking down the street. We ask Mr Pan, where is he going? He talks with the other man in the car and then replies, "Ah, maybe he has a girlfriend waiting for him."

What the?!?! Firstly Raymen is married and secondly...well, it's just such a wrong thought!! The man drips sleaze..uuugggghhhh!! I can never look at him the same.

I do! A wedding extravaganza starring Sophia and William as Luke and Leia (Marcus)

We can safely say the Chinese wedding we attended on Saturday safely exceeded all of our expectations. Going into it we had absolutely no idea what kind of spectacle we would behold, but in true Chinese fashion, it upheld all of those virtues we find so dominant in this most oddball of countries: Randomness, Noise, Colour, Alcohol, Singing and last but not least, western celebrities(ie us!).

So we arrive at the wedding reception venue which is about 2 minutes drive away from the school itself. The place is huge and teeming with people. There are several wedding cars present with different assortments of flowers stuck to them - some with his and her teddy bears together in a floral love heart. I witnessed some men attaching flowers to the bonnet of a car whilst in Shanghai and I can confirm that yes - they stick them on with ...sticky tape.

As mentioned the place was teeming. It is rare for there just to be a single wedding on any given day as Chinese are very particular with the dates they choose - often there will be multiple weddings at once - and that was true of this day. This day was a lucky day, so Raymen, Head of the Tian Yi English department told me - but just quietly, I wouldn't be surprised if any day deep down was lucky in some way shape or form.

We exited the car with me feeling somewhat vunerable being 1. Foreign, and 2. Armed with a big bunch of red flowers. The bridal party - including bride, groom and their respective families lined the door into the venue and upon seeing us, immediately greeted us and made us feel honored and welcome. This was incidentally the first time we had met any of them - so ah yeah, thanks for the invite, oh and nice to meet you!

Then, in typical Chinese fashion, they request to have their photo with us - so in they all come, along with the rest of the crowd as we are ushered in to stand on either side of the bridal couple; with a large backdrop of themselves behind us(Me still with the goddamned flowers) and snap off photos. I didn't feel phased by this. I didn't feel surprised by this. In fact I think we both felt somewhat nonplussed by the attention. Maybe finally we have settled into this most whacky of countries.

We then followed Raymen up several flights of stairs and into the lavishly decorated reception hall. Here we saw quite a few familiar faces as I think all of the Tian Yi teachers were invited(probably on direct order from the Principle - who strangely was not in attendance as he was busy...).

We were guided to a table near the back to which I was quite happy as it was nowhere near the front where there was a stage - bad things can happen with stages and foreigners being present. But then Raymen decides, let's move up closer so we can get a better view! So up we go.

The tables were pretty standard really, each laid out with some Sprite, Orange Juice, a bottle of Red Wine and of course the creme de la creme of the Chinese MALE table - Chinese Rice Wine - and not just any Chinese Rice Wine , the one with 5 grains - this is naturally the most expensive, thus the best. I asked Raymen if all Rice wine had 5 grains and he said no, some only have one- but this one has five, which is again, the best/most expensive. The brides father we were told, is very rich.

Rice Wine is not like any version of wine I have ever tasted. It is like drinking the strongest alcohol/lighter fluid you can find, in constant shots - disguised by the word, Ganbei, which means, 'Bottoms up!" We quickly discovered all the women were on their own tables, and were only drinking orange juice, whilst all the men were on the others(except Courtney who of course was with me!), and the Ganbei's came thick and fast.

This is not my first experience with the Rice Wine - I had the pleasure of being hit with it on our FIRST NIGHT in China - which was lovely. This time round it was no problem, though on my first toast I couldn't remember it as being so strong. After a few toasts it's a lot smoother, and after a few more I'm then proposing my own - you gotta roll with the big boys if you're gonna save face in this town brother!

No but seriously the toasting is quite ridiculous but a very important part of Chinese culture. I suppose it's endearing in a way, but in reality I think it's just an excuse to get smashed - another popular past-time in sunny China.

I had the guy on the table behind me toast me, which I did, then found out it was a toast to me getting up on stage and singing a song! Hahahaha you have got to be kidding me. What the hell would I sing, even if i could sing?! There was like a few hundred people in this room. If we went up and sung, they would have _absolutely adored it_. Even if we completely sucked(which would have been the case), it would have absolutely made their year. The camera's would have been out faster than you could say, CHEESE. Raymen asked me, "Can you sing?" and i profusely refused. Then he asked if I liked to dance - and again, I said no no no - BUT, Courtney likes to dance - meaning - she likes to get on the dancefloor from time to time - to which he asked, "Would Courtney get up and dance for us?" to which inside I totally pissed myself. Naturally there was no chance in hell she was going to get up there either, but what the HELL would she do? Do we even have an Australian cultural dance?! I just imagine her getting up there and doing a bit of a chimmy. Total pisser.

We were asked multiple times throughout the night if we would get up and sing a song - each time we politely but firmly refused. A few of the teachers did - one of them from the table beside us, who had a surprisingly good Chinese opera style voice. After his song he came back by our way, and i THINK proposed a toast to himself(which was a crackup), then asked if he would be good enough to sing in the Sydney Opera House? We said, sure! I think he was mostly joking, but also wouldn't be surprised if he'd booked his plane tickets.

Each table was laden with fluro sticks, which the Chinese men spent a good deal of time slamming against the table to break the glass in them and get them glowing. Along with plastic hand clapper things, it was sure to be a big event when the bride and groom finally entered. When they did - it was a spectacle. I attempted to film some of it - mainly for the music choices which were quite honestly, stellar.

Firstly, to announce the start of the proceedings, the lights were dimmed and out blasted the epic western theme song from the Magnificent Seven. At the time i thought it was the music from the VB ad which made it even better.

Out came who I guess was the event's compare - a woman in a glossy red dress and a permanant smile. This chick was scary. She talked nonstop in a high-pitch voice(later was singing for us), and not once did she lose her fake smile. She was announcing the arrival of the wedding party and everything else. Obviously because we don't speak Chinese we aren't overly sure what else she was saying.

The lights went out, the clapping of fluros and plastic clappers reached a crescendo and then -the main theme of Star Wars exploded to life(along with fireworks marking their passage into the hall). Star Wars! What the bloody hell!

Out came the parents of the bride and groom - to Star Wars.

Then came the groom - to Star Wars.

Then finally Leia er the Bride herself - to Star Wars.

She stopped mid-way down the passage beneath an arch of flowers. This Raymen told me was the gate of love or somesuch - this is where the Bride's father came back down and officially gave her away. From her passage onwards - thankfully, some degree of normality kicked in and the traditional bridal tune took over.


Once on stage, more fireworks shot up to the awe and delight of those present. Here began a series of semi-chinese, semi-western events. The bridge and groom exchanged wedding gifts. The bride and groom exchanged three wedding vows - one to their parents, one to their friends and family gathered, then one to themselves.



Then came the cutting of the cake - which is likened to Jack trying to cut down his beanstalk. The thing was a monster and they were actually armed with a knife so long it was like a small sword. I couldn't get a photo of it unfortunately as the audience was so excited, every time I tried I ended up getting some guys head, or a cameraman.

They then poured I think pink champagne onto a champagne fountain - and that was it. The feast began - the food was not too bad at all, and in just over 2 hours the event was done! People filed out, soon the room was mostly empty, and with a gut full of rice wine we were driven back to the school. Shortly after getting home, my rice wine actually kicked in and i was filled with semi-pissed energy. Courtney enjoyed the fact I (supposedly) didn't shut up for most of the afternoon, and then it was off to bed as all energy bailed and left me feeling like a shell that stunk of metho. I brushed my teeth several times, had a coffee, water, and a bunch of other stuff and still I could taste the goddamn rice wine on my breath. Fun times!


If you ever get the opportunity to attend a Chinese wedding in China - take it - it's an absolute pisser, and we had a great time in in one hit.

The only thing that would have made it better for those at our table, was if we had agreed when they asked us, to have a baby in China. Erm no!

As we entered the Reception hall, we were greeted by some traditional Chinese music

The scary host and the groom. Note the perma-smile.

Gifts of lung canc er cigarettes were deposited on every table.

Mr Pan was happy to indulge. We rarely if ever see him smoke.

To our left was - well that's us, but beside us were two extremely lovely fellow English teachers. Both of these guys teach the same students we do(senior 1) and were both very chatty - moreso when the wine started to flow. We will make sure we go catch up with them as they're both great guys. They were fun to talk to and as a random fact the guy in the middle used to be very strong when he was younger and always came first in the 100 and 200 metres. True story!

And to the right - Raymen, Mr Pan(armed with fluro) and another guy I don't know.

The more wine that was consumed, the redder the white of Raymen's eyes got. He has said before he gets a 'Chinese glow' when drinking...but his EYES? I remember his face was red on night 1 and he was fair tanked - but um yeah.

And last but not least - a youtube extravaganza! I was mainly trying to capture the music - which was classic, but you get a tiny feel for the event.

Much fluro smashing to the epic western Magnificent Seven theme.



And here comes William Skywalker.


And the massive voice of the Tianyi teacher. They were singing Karaoke but the video was completely RANDOM. Images of soldiers sandbagging a river or something...erm yeah.

The weekend...(Courtney)

Firstly some announcements...

Happy Birthday Sarah!! We hope you had a great day and are thinking of you! Looking forward to our skype celebration xx

Congratulations to Adrian and Naomi!! Little Mahalia Eve arrived on Thursday afternoon after a long labour and emergency c-section. But after all the fanfare all are doing well. We look forward to seeing some pics and of course meeting the little bub in person! xx

So the weekend is drawing to a close, sadly as obviously this means the beginning of a new working week. Even more problematic is the fact we are yet to do any lesson planning for this coming week. Oops! Normally we try to get the lessons out of the way by mid week but we have been very lazy this week. Alas, I'm sure we will come up with something in the morning. But this week is also the May Holiday so I think we finish up about lunchtime on Wednesday - woo hoo!! We have no plans for next weekend, other than doing some sightseeing in Wuxi and hopefully finally find a few of these so called gardens we hear about.

But enough about next weekend, let's talk about this weekend. We have had another busy weekend but a very good weekend. Friday night we caught up with Matt and Abby at an Australian bar for ANZAC day drinks. A couple of teachers from Abby's school also came along. The bar was...odd. It was like we had been transported to a pub in outback Queensland, yet with Chinese people, which would obviously never happen in outback Queensland! A lot of older western men with their Chinese wives. Each to their own but it's just that boring steriotype that is inescapable around these parts! Anyhoo, it was good to hang out and have a few beers. Marcus and I had gone to one of our little restaurants for dinner beforehand then managed to flag down a taxi on the street. We still have no idea how to ask to go to the city, but I had a business card for a city teahouse in my bag. I asked the driver to take us there and no problemo, he knows where to go. Of we go on our way, but as we are driving down this narrow chaotic side street the driver slows and starts pointing at a shop. We are like, ah, no not exactly where we want to go. I start fumbling around for my little phrase book to try and find the word for downtown, thinking oh good lord he's going to make us get out here! Then he ducks into the shop and we think, ok he must be asking for directions. Nope...he's getting himself some dinner!! Only in China could these things happen. Funny how you just go with it as well. If I was in a cab in Melbourne and the cabbie suddenly decided on my money to stop and get some food I probably wouldn't be too impressed!

But the best was yet to come. Once he starts driving, we get to this large intersection. Our side of the road is completely banked up, no one is moving. No problemo...the driver just pulls onto the other side (this is one of those large roads with a big barrier down the middle) and drives for a good couple of kilometres down the wrong side of the road! Now, we do spend an abnormal amount of time on the wrong side of the road here, it's just the way things are done. But this was something else! And he drove at normal speed with cars coming straight for us, just casually flashing his high beams to warn people. Anyhow, we made it out alive.

Whilst the taxis might be an interesting experience, we haven't yet been game enough to jump in one of the bicycle rickshaw things. We see too many of them laying on their sides...generally underneath cars...

So we hung out at the bar for a couple of hours before heading off after the band started. It was so loud and just killed the conversation entirely - which is hard when you have only just met the people! We called it a night as we had to be up early for the Chinese extravaganza wedding of the century on Saturday. I'm not kidding when I say it was one of the highlights of our time here so far and I am so glad we got to experience the glitz and glamour of a modern Chinese wedding. It was surreal and hysterical - I think every photo of me I am basically killing myself laughing. But we will do a separate blog post on the wedding as we not only have photos but will hit you up with some spectacular videos too!

The rest of Saturday was spent hanging out in the sun and a bit of a walk, whilst Marcus got over the affects of quite a bit of rice wine! He claims to have not been affected much but he literally did not shut up talking dribble for about 4 straight hours. Yup, sober as a judge ;-)

Whilst inside I could hear our little trio of boys playing outside our window. These three are always together, messing around. Sadly they don't seem to have much to play with, but they make do with things they find. We saw them a couple of weeks ago playing hide and seek in the bamboo, with the "seeker" clearly cheating and looking as his friends ran to hide. But by far the best was when two of them were out playing, when one had the call of nature. So he started doing his business only to realise how much more fun it would be to chase his friend whilst peeing and try to hit him!! Oh did I laugh as they ran around. So I can hear them playing and I stick my head out the window. One of them has found one of those silver reflective things you put in car windscreens and is protectively carrying it around. The other two are attempting to climg a tree - their favourite pasttime. Suddenly one of their fathers comes looking for them, so of course they attempt to hide as all children do...

Very cute!

Then the boy with the windscreen thing decides to climb the other tree with the windscreen thing of course...

Step one..climb tree.

Step 2...position windscreen thing.

Step 3 - oh no! It's blowing away!

Step 4 - Ah, nap time with my windscreen blankie!
I absolutely love these boys.

Today we were up bright and early for our next Chinese language class (side note...there is a monumental amount of fireworks going off right now. They are right next door and they are going to town!! The funniest part is that they have set off about 5 car/scooter alarms under the teacher's apartments...you want to hear the noise as I type this, the loungeroom is flashing with colour, they love their fireworks!) Neither of us were really in the studying mood this morning, so the three hour class felt like about 5 hours, most of which we spent praying the teacher wouldn't ask us to pronounce things. Very glad when it was over! After class we headed to Matt and Abby's, as Abby had extended an invitation to all of us to come to their place for lunch. We had a great afternoon at their place chatting with other people and eating some very yummy, home cooked food. We spent a lot of the time sharing our experiences of China and funny things that have happened, along with various teaching stories. I hope we didn't bore Matt too much with all our teaching stories!

We were talking about how fascinated the Chinese are with us all (you had to see the looks we got as 8 foreigners all walked to the bus stop!) but the best story fell to one of the guys, whose name I simply cannot remember and feel bad for not remembering. He is from the UK but I think originally from Kenya. The little group we had was quite multicultural, between Australia, New Zealand, America, England, Pakistan etc. So this guy looks so completely different from the Chinese and we got onto hair cuts. Someone says, I just have to ask you- how have you gone getting your hair cut?? As obviously this guy has lived here for 3 years and has an afro - something that has to be tended to at some point! He starts to chuckle as we ask whether the people were just fascinated by his hair. To which he replies, well, yes, the whole street attended the hair cut!! Ha ha ha...I can just imagine the Chinese yelling to other shop owners, on their phones to friends and family "you gotta get down here and check this out!!" They would have just been overwhelming in their curiosity. He was saying one little girl didn't believe his hair was real and would only believe him once she was allowed to touch..and pull it!! She was convinced once she couldn't just pull the hair off his head. Ah the Chinese...such an inquisitive people!

So the weekend was really good. We ducked into Carrefour which is a large French supermarket opposite Matt and Abby's to check out what they sold. A lot of good things but like everything it's either expensive or we can really get by without a lot of it other than some "necessities". We found deoderant there so bought some for the hell of it seeing as though it was there in front of us and we are yet to find any anywhere else.

Oh, and Matt and Abby live on the 13th floor of an apartment complex closer to the city. It's got quite a view - Chinese style of course. Whilst we were out on the balcony, we noticed kites being flown from a nearby park. Nothing unusual in this. Until you realise the kites are above the buildings!! They are so high I don't even know how the flyer could see where the kite was in amongst the smog and glare. Not to mention how big the spool must be holding all of that string..I can't help but imagine some huge wheel and crank winding it all back in. They must have been a good 20 floors above the ground. Kite flying is a pretty popular thing around here, and is definately something we will do before we leave!

View from Matt and Abby's apartment, complete with smog but sadly no kites.

That's enough for now...stay tuned for the wedding post!

Mac Attack (Courtney)

I'm sitting here flipping through a news site when I stumble upon this...

Here we have McDonald's latest group/mob of recruits, preparing and training to work during the Beijing Olympics. Doing what one ponders? Should the training perhaps be taking place in a kitchen?

Some days just go from boo to yay! (Marcus)

Today was one of those days. At around 1pm we get a call from Mr Pan to tell us we didn't have to teach today as our Junior 1 students had exams...woot!!

It was a good day all round really. After a lengthy sleep-in(as we don't start teaching on Thursday's until 2pm anyway), we walked down the street to buy some bread. While in the Baker's I found these green cakes that Mr Pan brought over for us on day 1(the day he exploded an egg in our microwave). I have been looking for these damned cakes every since as when warmed up, they're delicious! They're just a basic green cake - which I have since found out are made from rice(Yay for Courtney), and have these brown nuts in them. Mmm mmmh.

We bought the bread to use with the luxury item we got from Metro last week...bacon. It's american bacon and SUPER fatty. Man I have never seen so much oil come out of bacon in the pan - how unsurprising - go Americans. Anyway bacon and eggs was a treat and a half - now if only the bread didn't have that odd sweetness to it, it would have been perfect.

Shortly before cooking breakfast Mr Pan came around with a woman to take photos of us - it being a nice sunny day and all. Apparently the Principle; Mr Shen, is writing a new book - I guess he has written a few before. This one is supposedly on - well foreign something - perhaps China's schools and their foreign elements - ie foreign teachers, sending students overseas to study and tour schools/uni's etc etc. So they wanted photos of us to I guess be in it. So yeah!

In good ol Mr Pan style, he emailed us the photos lickedy split. That is of course Mr Pan in the photo, sporting what looks like a fairly recent(almost flat top) haircut.

Course now we have to pose in front of the lake - the school's pride and joy (when it's not full of fish corpses that is)

And in front of the 'Experts Apartment', us being definite experts on foreign stuff.

And it wouldn't be complete unless we posed with the photographer herself - a photo I have no doubt she will treasure forever. These are 100% white people!!! This photo also illustrates the average height differences here.

Because we suddenly had the afternoon off, we took the bus into WuXi to do some shopping. I badly wanted some new T-Shirts. Courtney headed in there yesterday whilst I went and got a neck and shoulders massage seeing my neck has been really damned stiff. 30 minutes for about 6 bucks Australian. While she was in town, she discovered a store called Uni Qlo. Now the cool thing about this is Jess recommended this to us - saying they were in Japan and really good. We looked on the internet for it with Jess before coming to China and couldn't find them - only in Hong Kong, but nup, there's one here alright.

So we went in today to check it out and yes, the place is awesome! It was probably the most normal feeling clothes store we've been in yet i would say - product wise anyway. The staff on the other hand...jesus christ.

So the place was full of really cool T-shirts(woot!) and all kinds of other stuff. I came away with 4 of them..and we both bought new umbrellas(I don't know why there were umbrella's, but there was). Courtney bought 3 new tops. There was actually western style boxer shorts, and socks that were not paper thin...ACTUAL normal socks. Yay for the little people.

The clothing in there was really awesome. I will definitely be going back there as T-shirts are just a staple in my day to day clothing diet, no matter the weather. The staff... Like every other Chinese store there were around seven times as many staff as there were customers. This store had more than most I think. Someone at the Chinese class last Sunday said that in China, employment was more important than efficiency -which I suppose is a good idea considering there's people _everywhere_. Anyhow the staff were WEIRD. They kept saying Good Morning.

In China, we have found it incredibly common to be wished Good Morning in the afternoon or evening - it's like the standard 'We cant speak english' greeting. In Uni Qlo...they are wishing it NON STOP. NON STOP!! I don't know what the HELL is up with whatever their staff trainers are imparting them, but it was quite frankly ridiculous.

One guy would go, Good Morning! Sometimes seeminly to no-one in particular, then it would set off a chain reaction of Good Mornings through 4-5 other female staff dotted around the different sections. You would walk from one side to the other, and be wished Good Morning 3-4 times. You'd then walk back, and pass the same people and they'd wish it again. They were saying it, no shit, almost without pause. We ignored it, but it is hands down the oddest shopping experience we have had in China to date. The place looked modern. The staff were dressed in quite a stylish modern way- obviously show-casing the stores products, but this Good Morning thing was just weird shit to the max.

Four more classes of Senior 1 tomorrow then it's into the weekend. We've been invited to go to Ronnie's Australian Bar to celebrate ANZAC day tomorrow night for drinks - sounds good. Hopefully we'll score ourselves a nice western meal while we're there. Saturday at 11am we have the wedding banquet - god knows what that's going to be like. Then Sunday we're going to the Chinese class again - so far so good.

We also have found out there's another holiday next week - so we have Thursday and Friday off and probably get to skip 2 of the 3 classes on Wednesday afternoon as the holiday starts at 2pm. Allll good. We'll likely use that time to head into WuXi and check out this interesting looking mountain/garden thing that is right near the CBD.

And finally, Happy Birthday today to Robert Dunn, my dad who would have been 61 today. xx

El Stinko (Marcus)

There's a stink in the bathroom of late that's starting to become concerning. It's not the toilet itself, nor the little basket of 'goodies' that sits beside it. It's not the cleanliness of the room itself or anything actually obvious. We can't work out what the hell it is. I have read things about China with the drain/water within it stinking, but that doesn't seem to be it either. Basically we don't know what the hell it is.

We have one theory. The wall appears to be rotting away from the inside, all thanks to the outside of the bath not appearing to be sealed properly. The plaster is flaking away and at times it is damp to touch. So it's quite possible that within the wall, it's a stinky damp mess.

It's hard to even detect the smell. It's one of those things that you don't notice until you enter the bathroom after being out of the apartment for an hour or so, then open the door and it's pee-ewwww. It's hard to put a finger on WHAT it even smells like - but it's just rank. And no - to stamp out a theory before you run with it - it is not the sweet smell of turds.

So we showed Mr Pan the wall and he said he'd have the maintenance guy look at it. He's clearly forgotten so I will remind him when I see him next. I don't really care about the state, health and well-being of this apartment providing it doesn't fall down on us while we're living in it. Beyond that, it can get stuffed basically. It was thoroughly filthy when we moved into it, and I will make sure it is something like that when we move out. Hell the room I am sitting in right now is absolutely covered in dead mosquitoes squashed on the walls - some of them even by my hand now - who am I to break a trend?

Most of our China experience to date has been made up of things like this, and I guess in hindsight it's all a part of the fun. The whole country is filled with things that are what we now just plain and simple identify as Chinese. Nothing works like you'd expect it, there's always a bad smell and it's usually covered in 2 layers of impossible to open with human hands plastic wrapping.

In other news, the classes this week have been fairly good. As Courtney said previously we have been doing our Senior classes based around the Beatles song - Yesterday -with varied success. None of my classes have sung it as it's been on unfortunately - I feel a little jibbed there.

In my Junior gifted class I had two teachers 'spectating' me today. When I am under the spotlight I like to kick into a higher performance mode where I really show my English speaking power with new improved added theatrics. I ran a tightly controlled game of Chinese Whispers - which of course around these folk we only call Whispers. This was fairly unsuccessful. On one hand they understood what to do and followed through until the end, but on the other, they just didn't understand the guist of the game. When it came time to pick a winner, they didn't agree with who I picked.

In case you don't know how to play Chinese Whispers - basically I form teams of the class using their seating rows vertically (front to back). I take the front row outside and tell them a sentence - in this case it was: The big cat sat on the mat with a rat who was wearing a hat.

The kids then go in and whisper it to the person behind them - trying to remember it and getting it right. The next kid whispers it to the next then the next then the next and so on, until the last kid actually writes it down.

In all cases they have surprised me with how well they have done. We did this game in our TESOL course and quite frankly I found it hard to play, and 1.) I am an adult, and 2.) a NATIVE english speaker. So yeah.

Most teams had it very close to what I told them originally - and when I tried to pick a winner, they would go, No No!!!!! as one unit - that's wrong!! It's wrong!! And I would say - but they are ALL wrong!! That's the game, it will NEVER be completely right! The idea is to get as close as possible - it's listening and memory etc etc - but I don't think they really understood that concept. That's where it can be hard to really get the more complicated games across to them. It was fun though, and they enjoyed it.

Then finally we played hang-man - but for the first time i let the kids run it. The first kid chose the word...Elephant..so far so good. The second kid's word...Allah ..what the hell? These kids aren't even religious. The third kid? Some soccer players name..Ronaldero or whatever it is, not Ronaldo - that other guy, Ronaldiho or something?! I hadn't even heard of him until recently, I thought it was Chinglish on a t-shirt until Courtney told me who the hell he was. Then the final kid's word? "The UN" - where the hell do they get this stuff? Courtney had a kid pick George W Bush. Who can predict these little darlings, seriously.

Anyhow it makes me wonder what the teachers thought of the political correctness of Hang-man...you know - failing to guess a word while the kids happily draw a man who is hanging from the neck. Oh well.

And finally, tangent number 5 - we had lunch with Raymen - the head of English today in the canteen. He was talking about the Senior 3(oldest students) getting ready for their university entrance exams next month. He told us what was involved in the english exams, and I have to say, they sound nasty. We said that we would be curious to see how we would do on them - and he said we could maybe try them next month if we wish. We told him how we weren't even taught grammar from beyond grade 5 or so, and he laughed and said, "This is why we only hire foreign teachers for oral english." I grinned, but deep down I think i wanted to smash him!

Anyway that raises an interesting question - HOW would we do on this exam? He said most foreigners only score around 60% on it - which in Chinese terms(ie if you were a chinese student) would mean you wouldn't get into university.

Do we give it a shot? It has potential for massive embarrassment. I don't care about face, but I feel if i scored badly(which is highly possibly), my face would in fact slide off my body, completely lost. Though if we blitzed it - hell i think it's asking for payrise time.

Decisions decisions.

Further to the last post...(Courtney)

So..I left for my last class of the day brimming with confidence. Of course I should know that whenever this happens, disastor is about to strike. Which it did. Up until now I have been pretty cool and calm in class, I haven't really done anything goofy or made a fool of myself which is surprising.

I get to class and it is my least favourite class of the week, Class 12. At least I get it over and done with on a Tuesday. Last week we performed our restaurant dialogues, and Class 12 was a nightmare. One group did so badly I told them they would redo their dialogue for homework (we never set homework) and perform it again next week. So I had been umming and ahhing as to whether I should follow through and Marcus told me I should so that I don't lose respect. Better to follow through than not. I get to class and say right, group 10, you will perform your dialogue before we start class. The rest of the class go nuts, they love that I have remembered. They are hooting and cheering and arms are up in the air. The boys in the group weren't too impressed that I had remembered, but they dutifully got up and did their dialogue which they had written properly and it was much better than last week.

So now I get the computer going and pop in the stick thing that had the song on it. I know what the stick thing is called but I cannot remember. Memory something. So I have a bit of a look on the screen and realise I have no idea what I am doing, which isn't helped by the computer being in Chinese. I ask for the class monitor to help me. He fiddles around and tells me that the stick is empty, there is nothing on it! Great! The damned song is on there. No dramas, I'll look on the school intranet as we have saved it there too. Marcus used the intranet in his classes with no problems. I open it up and I have NO idea suddenly what I am looking for. I click around a bit with no luck...where is the bloody song!!! Then another boy gets up to help, who usually helps me with the computer. He uses the stick thing again, and thank the gods, it works. So I press play for the song...there is no sound. By now I am flustered and red. The boy comes back up. After a minute of fiddling suddenly the room bursts to life with the sounds of The Beatles. Phew!!! This took 15 minutes of a 40 minute class. So so embarrassing.

So I figure everything is ok from here. The kids start listening and they all start yelling out "Yesterday! Yesterday! We know". Good lord, they know the song already (this is what I mean by it being a popular song for ESL teachers to whip out) I ask if they want to hear it anyway and got a chorus of yes so we continue. At the end of the first listening, I go to hand out the lyrics so they can read/sing along. As I take off the bulldog clip that is holding the pieces of paper together, I slip and the bulldog clip goes flying and hits a boy in the front row.

All I can do at this point is hope that the bell goes...and soon. On a positive note, this was the first time Class 12 has actually behaved for me out of 2 months of classes.

The day we became ESL teachers (Courtney)

So today I think we have turned a corner, and truly become teachers of english as a second language. And the reason for that is we have created a lesson based on the most widely used steriotypical thing we could find. Teaching ESL means using many different types of methods to get the kids talking. Games, activities, songs, video...basically anything goes. Today we are doing our first song with the kids, and that song is "Yesterday" by The Beatles. This song is used the world over in esl teaching, because it is slow, easy to understand, the meaning is quite clear etc. We have joked about using it, and today we actually are. I wasn't sure how it would go, seeing as though the most popular bands around here are Backstreet Boys and Westlife (yes, the musical taste is as good as the fashion sense around these parts!)

But I'm happy to say that so far it has been a complete success! The students really liked it and were just rapt that they got to learn one of my favourite songs. On top of that, and this is the great part...they all sang!!! All of them. It was HYSTERICAL and completely unexpected. We keep hearing that the kids have no qualms about singing and seems it is true. I made them listen to the song once without the lyrics, then when I handed out the lyrics all 55 kids sang. It was so funny and actually quite endearing! Every time we played the song after that, when we were talking about meaning and a jumble word game, everyone sang. Even the "cool" boys..it was very unexpected! I only wish there was some way I could sneakily take the camera in and capture it without embarrassing them.

Needless to say, I have listened to "Yesterday" about 15 times already today, with still another class to go this afternnoon. I think by the end of the week neither of us will ever want to hear the song again!

This morning I had to stop by Mr Pan's office for a couple of things. Whilst there he handed me an invitation. When we first arrived Mr Shen, the principle, was saying that one of the female teachers is getting married this year and he would like for us to come along. Of course at the time we were only too happy to say that that was a great idea. Now suddenly we have an invitation to these people's wedding...yet we do not know who they are! As far as we know we haven't met them, which feels kind of odd that they have obviously been told to invite us! Anyhow, besides that, we are looking forward to it, but it does pose some problems. The wedding is this coming Saturday (nothing like a bit of advance warning around here) and we have no idea what to wear or what to give as a present. I asked Mr Pan this morning what we should give and he was unsure. I then asked what he will give, as in what is the normal thing to do in China, and he said that they normally given money. No problemo I say, we will give money too. Oh no, says Mr Pan, you should not give money because you are not Chinese. He suggests we give them something special from Australia. Ah, Mr Pan...may I remind you it is TUESDAY and the wedding is on Saturday! And what exactly would constitute something special from Australia? Some VB stubby holders? A boomerang? I tried to explain that we normally give household type things...so I don't know what we are going to do!

The best part about all of this is of course the invitation. Things are not done in halves around here and Chinese weddings are obviously very different to our own. The bride and groom normally have a very "official" ceremony for the actualy getting married part. Then weeks later they get all their photos taken, often in staged locations or with a number of different dresses. Then after that comes the reception, where all the family and friends celebrate over lunch. None of this happens on the same day but over a period of weeks. So please find below some pictures of the invitation for your viewing pleasure...

The front of the invitation, which folds out at the left. All looks cute and lovely so far, we can see our happy couple on the right, with our groom wearing a dashing yellow suit.

But it gets better. The words on the left are so touching we must share them with you.

"When you need someone to listen, I'll be there. When you need a hug, I'll be there. When you need someone to hold your hand I'll be there. When you need someone to wipe your tears, guess what? I'll be there."

By none other than William Shakespeare. What the?! Yes, it says those loving words are by William Shakespeare...somehow I think not.

The inside of the card and our next set of clothes. I suspect these will be the clothes they will also wear on Saturday. Here's only hoping she hasn't hired the dress as everything is so filthy around here - after sitting on the ground she sure as hell wont be getting her deposit back!

And finally the back of the invitation. I am not going to type what it says, because it is such utter dribble I think the computer would have a meltdown. There is this long winded ode to their marriage and it makes literally no sense. Complete jibberish. Actually, on just rereading it I have to include it...

"The marriage new is challenge and hope (so far ok, we can understand that). Also the head of a family application is high at the day when it is blessed the marriage illust where. The dress khes only it is illust which is various is not a bay."

Besides all of that, we are really looking forward to it and will be sure to hit you with some photos of the event!

It looks like fish is back on the menu! (Marcus)

Well the resuscitation of the lake of death looks like it has been a partial failure. The white underbellies of fish corpses dot the lake whilst also covering the shores. Peculiarly we found a whole bunch of them within one of the gardens that yes, we should have photographed as it was one of those things you only see in China, but it was drizzly out so we gave it a miss - well that and the fact there were students and teachers around.

The fish had been cleaned up by later tonight, and I can confirm that there are at least some fish still alive - probably most of the goldfish. It's almost as if the larger fish just couldn't get enough air. They pumped 'clean' water into the lake for the past 3-4 days - 24/7. I am curious to know where this water came from, and just how clean it actually is, as it was a bit on the stinky side itself. The lake has clearly risen a few inches from this little debacle. It makes me wonder whether they are actually looking into what killed the fish, or have just been satisfied with blowing some 'clean' water into it and leaving it at that. Cant bode well in the prosperity department having a lake full of dead fish. If they had visitor's scheduled I would have expected to have seen the school's gardeners forced to swim in and fish out the corpses at gunpoint. It would be better to die than to lose partial face doncha know!

Maybe if the bloody cleaners didn't wash their mops in the lake this kind of thing wouldn't happen - geez.

We happened to notice as we were driven over to the other campus that a restaurant that opened recently has absolutely gone to town with the opening 'ceremonial' I don't even know what you'd call it - gala extravaganza? There's about 40 bunches of exotically gaudy flowers beneath a beautiful(heh!) inflatable arch, with the standard issue red Chinese banners.

I suspect there'll be fireworks a-gogo coming from this restaurant tonight. There has been fireworks every single night since we've been here - and hes, that's just over 2 months now.

We also happened to notice last night, just before meeting Josh, that our favourite Korean BBQ place has GONE :( The whole place is gutted - not 100% empty - it's either in the process of completely vacating as the business has been closed, or it's being renovated. I have a feeling it might have gone down the drain because there are literally thousands of restaurants around here (Because there are litterally thousands of people around here), but the place didn't look dead or anything. But the food there was fantastic! There was one meat dish in particular which I can easily say was the highlight of our stay in China thus far. It going is a disaster!!

And finally, between the back door of the school and the new restaurant is a canal. This canal runs alongside the school. I photographed it to try and capture the beauty of the absolutely putrid black water. It's black. It's not dark because it's night time or dark because of the drizzly overcast day - this water is _feral_. When you get to a certain angle of it, you're hit with the best poo smell in town. We have written about this canal before, but I swear to god, if you were to fall in it - you're fucked - no question. If you didn't outright die, you would be so utterly consumed by skin diseases and fester, well it's just not worth thinking about.

The photo doesn't really do justice to just how disgusting this water is. If we could somehow capture the smell and upload it to the blog - we would have.

I am not an animal!!! (Courtney)

That's right folks, I am not an animal...and today proved that. After having spent the last two months feeling somewhat like a leper, having basically not been involved in a conversation that didn't include Marcus or Mr Pan, today was a very very pleasant change. And why do you ask? Well today we met people. Real bonefide people, who weren't talking to us because they were forced to, but because they actually wanted to! The last couple of months have been bizarre and often disheartening as we have attempted and failed to make friends. We keep telling ourselves that we will meet people and do normal things, but as the weeks tick by we have been starting to think that maybe it wont happen. I've always made friends at work, and normally very good friends, and it's been worrying that we haven't been able to do that so far here. You can't help but think that it is you, that somehow you are the problem. Am I too shy? Not approachable? Am I just so uncool and boring that no one actually wants to get to know me? Logically we know why people have been slow to approach us, and that is mostly to do with a little thing called English. It's why we are in China and it's the main reason why we aren't making any friends. But even though we know that there is a huge language barrier and that as a whole the Chinese are very reserved, it is still difficult and has often made us feel not very welcome.

So today we had what could only but be described as a huge breakthrough on the people/friends front. And I have to admit I'm not only feeling a whole lot better...but also kinda zonked from so much socialising! So I'll start at the start...

Through Barb, a family friend of Marcus who we saw in Shanghai, we were given the details of a young Chinese guy named Josh. Coincidentally he lives in Wuxi. It was only once Marcus emailed him though that we realised he lives about 500 metres away from the school! Small world. So we have been meaning to catch up with him, but inbetween Suzhou, illnesses and each of our own availabilities we hadn't yet managed it. But during the week we arranged to catch up tonight at a coffee house down the road for dinner. Excellent! We have also been in contact with Abby and Matt who stumbled upon our blog on the internet. They are a NZ couple working in Wuxi. Abby and I had a great chat on the phone during the week and organised to catch up this afternoon. So all of a sudden we go from having no playdates, to two in one day!

Friday night rolls around and Mr Pan calls. Turns out the education something or other of Wuxi has decided to hold Chinese Language and Culture classes every Sunday morning for all its foreign teachers. Class starts at 9am and goes until 12. Whilst the time might not be great - nothing like a 9am class on a Sunday! - it was the perfect opportunity to not only get to learn some language, but also meet some people. I tell Mr Pan we will definately go and he organises the school driver to take us just for today. As of next week we will be navigating the bus at an ungodly hour. So once we had the information, I looked up the site of the school the classes were being held at, which is one of Wuxi's International Schools. Who should I see on the website but Abby! So on Saturday I let her know that hey, I think we will be at your school tomorrow! So we decide to catch up after that, her partner Matt coming to join us.

So suddenly we have 3 playdates! Instant friends! We get up this morning, bright and early. Last night as I set my alarm I thought I'll set it for 7:45 as the driver was picking us up at 8:30. Then I think to myself hmm, maybe I should makeit 7:30 to be on the safe side. Bloody good thing I did, as the driver rocked up just after 8am. This happens so often, where we are told one time, and then something completely different happens. Marcus manages to explain that we need 10 minutes, which we spend frantically racing around the house finding paper and pens, shoes etc.

What to do whilst I wait for those pesky foreign teachers? I'll have a shave! Here's our school driver waiting for us downstairs...multitasking.

Anyhoo, the class was great. Sadly not many students, but many many Chinese teachers. The chinese teachers are there to learn different teaching methods, but it made it somewhat awkward when asked to repeat something or answer a question! Anyhoo, there were about 8 foreign teachers there, one being Abby. We also met a couple of guys from the UK who teach at a middle school close to us. We learnt today that Tianyi (where we teach) is one of the best/most prestigious schools in Wuxi (god only knows why they hired us) and that the school where the English guys teach is basically our rival school. They were both lovely guys, and seeing as though they live close we plan on catching up with them soon. We will arrange something next week with them, I think Mike is keen to have us over for dinner. It would also be good to pick their brains considering we teach the same year levels at very similar schools. He loves it and has been here for 3 years, so getting some teaching tips off him will be great. So the class was really good, run by a teacher from one of the universities. I think he is just doing the introduction class then the other teachers will take over, so who knows if the quality of the class will deteriorate but we will keep going. We learnt all manner of things and did lots of pronunciation which was great as a refresher from when we started learning Mandarin, and also quite embarrassing as every time I was asked to pronounce something or answer a question I invariably got it wrong or had no idea where we were up to.

After 3 hours of what I found to be hard study we were starving!! Matt was waiting for us so we caught a bus back to where they live to grab some lunch. Abby and Matt live in an apartment closer to the city, directly opposite a Carrefour (big French supermarket). Underneath the Carrefour is a large food court type place which is where we ate. It was good! Just like any food court the world over, but it had really great chinese food and just a nice atmosphere to it. What we wouldn't give to live near something like that - so nice and easy to get to and eat at! For when you don't feel like wading through the difficulty that can be ordering and getting a good meal (ie - not chicken heads or the like) something like that food court would just be a god send. So we happily wiled away some time there before heading to the Kempinsky. The Kempinsky is the swishest hotel in Wuxi, we had heard about yet and yes it is pretty flash!! It's a little way out of town but I don't think that concerns the people who stay there because they clearly have enough money for endless taxis and drivers! We went there purely to check out a "deli" they have, which supposedly serves all manner of yummy things. The walk there was funny, past a large park with people going about their Sunday recreational activities. And the most popular thing here seemed to be roller skates! Yup, there was a street lined with stores with roller skates for hire and there were people everywhere. It is very tempting to go back and have an afternoon of madness trying to remember how to rollerskate!! (It's been a good 14 years I would think...) I wanted to take some photos on the way back but it was bucketing down. Anyhow, we ended up in a German bar and had a couple of beers. Matt and Abby are great and it was wonderful just to sit and have a chat with people that stretched to well beyond polite chit chat. I'm looking forward to seeing them again. Matt often works on Saturdays, so Abby and I will try and fit in some catch ups..it is great to know you not only have met some nice people, but you can see them to go shopping or whatever! Matt's boss and his wife joined us and they were great too, good senses of humour. She actually helped us out with writing down the address of our school. Ever since moving here we have tried unsuccessfully to get our address just written on a piece of paper to show taxi drivers. We have an incredibly embarrassing photo of ourselves infront of one of the school monuments, with chinese characters printed on it, which we had assumed was our address. When we catch cabs we show it to the driver (as no one ever understands our chinese!) and a little bit of us dies each time as we hand over with mortification this cheesy photo. So we now have our address written down, and turns out the photo not only had our address...but also our names and that we were from Australia!! Oh the shame of it all...

Once we said our goodbyes we caught a cab back to school. It's very funny when it rains around here. Suddenly the streets turn into a kaleidescope of colour as every scooter and bike rider suddenly whip out their rain ponchos of every colour you could imagine. They have these great ponchos - similar to the good old garbage bag variety you see at the football - that are like a cape, they fit over their heads and most of the scooter! As soon as it rains the streets are transformed and it becomes poncho land. We then headed to the coffee house to catch up with Josh. Josh was great too, a really lovely guy with fantastic English. He seems to be very intelligent and switched on and was really great to talk to. We covered a lot of subjects and he gave us some helpful hints about Wuxi and different perspectives on things we experience here. It's always good to get that local kind of view, as things from an outside perspective are always so different from how the locals see things. He is originally from Chengdu, which we plan on visiting during our holidays so he can hook us up with some family contacts there! He and his wife are expecting their first child later in the year, and I hope we can get to know them better.

So all in all it's been a busy and great day! It feels like such a relief to have met some people and for them to actually like us...thankfully my fears that we had become heathens goes unfounded. Hopefully now going forward we will continue to feel more settled here and really start to enjoy our free time more. Having some additional company in a strange land has been much needed, so hopefully the circle continues to grow!

And finally, whilst driving home from the other campus here is a fine example of some of the crazy stuff we see on the roads here. An entire truck full of workers. At least they are wearing hard hats?!

Mmm Spring (Marcus)

In their mere minutes of daily free time, the students try and shoot some baskets.

The Lake of Fish Death looking surprisingly tranquil.

Courtney standing under her hose shelter.

Smogset

The Fish Formally Known as Alive (T.F.F.K.A)

The tail end of the dinner students returning to class. Imagine this bridge full to the brim of people and that's what it's like just after the bell goes. These are only the dribs and drabs(like us) who got to enjoy the last part of every cooked dish - you know, the sloppiest most water logged bok choy and the meat that has no meat in it, just fat and bone.

Green green green! So much nicer than brown brown brown.

Now tell me this isn't pretty. The garden between the lake and the canteen is positively lush.

The majestic and massive middle building of the school. We are told there's a library in there but we still haven't been in to explore it. If it's like all of the other buildings on campus, outwardly it looks quite grand whilst inside it's as if it's been taken from 1970 communist Russia.